How Hard Can it Be?
‘How hard can it be?’ we ask ourselves, when we are struggling with something that should be straightforward. ‘I just need to do it,’ we tell ourselves. ‘It’s hardly rocket science.’
(For what it’s worth, I’ve had the pleasure of working with a few rocket scientists, and it turns out that doing rocket science is sometimes the easiest part of their day.)
We’re adept at coming up with reasons why we shouldn’t be having the difficulties we’re having.
We tell ourselves they’re not really difficulties, because they only arise in certain contexts, or because nobody else seems to have them, or because we have plenty of evidence that we are capable people who can do hard things, and these things are objectively not hard! They are not rocket science!
But denial and dismissal get us nowhere. If we want things to be easier, the first step is to understand the nature of the difficulty we are having. As Einstein famously said, ‘the formulation of a problem is often more essential than its solution’.
Our go-to formulation is normally something to do with our character. We hypothesise that we are lazy, weak-willed, slovenly, obtuse, contrary, fundamentally perverse people. We tell ourselves that, left to our own devices, we would dissolve into entropy and inertia. We are needy and seek reassurance, when what we really need is a kick up the backside. We need to grow up, pull ourselves together, and get on with it.
And it’s no wonder that we default to this way of thinking, as it is central to many child-rearing and educational approaches.
And sometimes, it works! When we’ve got the carrot of praise and acceptance dangling just out of reach, and the stick of disgrace and rejection snapping at our hindquarters, we can accomplish incredible things!
Just not sustainably. And not without reinforcing the belief that our value as human beings is measured by our output and efficiency, which leaves us feeling empty and anxious until the next achievement - while we’re still depleted from the strain of the last.
If we want to find a better way to deal with these difficulties, we need to go back to first principles and think about what we mean when we say we should be able to do something easily.
I am not much of a cook, but I can throw together a lasagna. (It’s not rocket science!)
I just need the recipe, the ingredients, pots and pans and utensils, an oven and a range, and the time to prepare and cook it. Assuming all those things are in place, it’s not a problem. Sometimes it’s actually quite relaxing.
At a push, I could make a lasagna every day. It would take a bit of organisation to make sure I never ran out of ingredients. But I could do it, sure.
I could even make lasagna three times a day, seven days a week. It would generate a lot of extra dishwashing, and I’d get pretty tired of it, and it wouldn’t leave a lot of time for other things, and I’d question why this was necessary, but technically, yes, this is something I could do.
But could I make lasagna at the drop of a hat, any time anyone wanted a lasagna? Even if I was right in the middle of cooking something totally different?
Could I make three times as much lasagna as usual, at short notice?
How about with an oven that only works if you kick it? In a foreign country where the ingredients are difficult to source? With a supercilious chef peering over my shoulder, micromanaging my every pinch of nutmeg?
What’s the big deal? It’s just lasagna. 🤷♀️
The example above is paraphrased from an internet forum discussion I read recently on the topic of executive function, and I think it illustrates beautifully our vari-ability - the fluctuation in our capacity to use the skills we have, as influenced by our environment, our physical state, and the mental, emotional and cognitive load we’re already carrying.
When the formulation for our difficulties accounts for of all the variables that affect us, it becomes clearer why some things are hard for us that ‘shouldn’t be’:
our energy levels, moods and cognitive capacities are changeable
our environment may not suit our body or nervous system
we may not have some of the tools the tasks require
the emotional atmosphere (internal or external) is hostile
we are overwhelmed by demands and/or stimuli
we don’t have enough time
the things we are trying to do don’t benefit us, or are inconsistent with our values
Once we are clearer about the formulation of our difficulties, we can use the strengths we know we have, as intelligent, capable people - our ‘mathematical and experimental skill’, as Einstein put it - to find solutions that work for our own individual circumstances.
That may involve anything from replacing the faulty oven, to ordering ready-made lasagna in bulk, to swearing off lasagna altogether.
If you’d like a structured opportunity to look at your own formulations, and find out what you need for your lasagna, get on the waitlist for Compassionate Productivity!
